Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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