first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
