Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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