chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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