Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
