Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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