The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
