I wanna bring you to show and tell
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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