im six kinds of drunk right now
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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