Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
