what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
