Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
