My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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