Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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