So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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