It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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