I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
