I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize