my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
