They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
