Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
