i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
