if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
