i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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