Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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