Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I AM VODKA MAN
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
