my mouth tastes like poor choices
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
