everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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