i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You ruined the universe
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
