there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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