My sheets look like a crime scene.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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