Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
love makes seman taste better
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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