apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
