It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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