Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
