i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
