The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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