We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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