so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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