i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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