I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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