Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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