there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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