So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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