i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
