So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
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i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
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I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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