we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
