It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
