If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
