Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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