If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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