# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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