She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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