A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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