My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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