I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
