Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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