The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
