Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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