My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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