So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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