we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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