I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
where are you?
Hypothermia
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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