Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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