She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
