I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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