Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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