Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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