I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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