He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
