I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
