she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
