the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
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Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
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I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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