how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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