Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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