didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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